Fifteen years ago, Angry Boys gave us a candid glimpse into the life of former pro surfer Blake Oakfield. It was a gritty understanding of what truly lies beyond the fame, fortune, and flashing lights of the international competitive surfing tour. It was real*, raw, unfiltered, and sometimes even shocking.
Between tales of a far-from-carefree youth in Narmucca Bay, bitter turf war with rival neighbouring surfers, and the mental anguish and resilient coping following the devastating loss of his testicles in Hawaii, each and every one of us got to live the world through Blake’s optimistic eyes, if only for a brief moment.
But real life doesn’t end at the credits. Where is Blake Oakfield today?
Armed with this burning question, we set out to find where the tide had taken the main Mucca Mad Boy a decade and a half later. Breathe in. Compose yourself. Sit back and get ready to live inside the world of Narmucca Bay once more.**
* ‘Real’ is, in this instance, a somewhat loose term. Blake Oakfield is a fictional character created and portrayed by Chris Lilley in the television series Angry Boys, which first aired on ABC1 in 2011. Any resemblance to a sensible person, living or dead, is purely coincidental.
** All photos, views, and opinions are Blake’s and Blake’s alone, and are presented for comedic and entertainment purposes. They don’t necessarily reflect the views or opinions of the interviewer, producers, platform, sponsors, viewers, innocent bystanders, or pretty much anyone else (which, frankly, is why it’s an interview). Any comments, concerns, objections, and/or complaints must be submitted (in person) at the Nambucca Bay Post Office between the hours of 8:00am and 5:00pm, Monday to Friday, excluding public holidays.
First off, a little about your history in Narmucca Bay. It looked like the perfect place for an idyllic childhood, like your first wave on a longboard at two. What are some of your other earliest, formative surfing memories?
Yeah formative years were all time. One of my earliest memories was doing a backflip off the front balcony into the agapanthus when I was about six months old. Dad was having a few cans so he didn’t notice. It was a four metre drop. I remember our German Shepherd pulled me out of the garden by my nappy so it was all good.
And yeah early surfing memories. My dad would push me out on his longboard when I was two. After he’d had a couple of KB Lagers or four. My ankle was too small for a leg rope, so if I came off I’d just get in a tight ball and wash to shore eventually like a rogue coconut. Not too many two year olds doing forward rolls across a reef under some whitewash but it toughens you up.
The friendship between you and Hunter is truly strong. When and how did you boys first meet? Any early memories there? And where is Hunter today? Still in Narmucca Bay?
Hunter f*cked off to Bali. The prick shacked up with some local chick. Good on him. But it kind of violates Mucca Mad Boy code — ‘Thou shalt never move out of Narmucca Bay’. Few of the blokes wanna excommunicate him, but I still throw him a bone every now and then on the sly.
Early memories. Yeah we met when I was about one. Our mums were always meeting for instant coffee and a smoke and they’d chuck our bouncinettes together. With a little ashtray between us if I recall. Hunter was always crying I remember. Probably pissed his pants knowing him.
I used to steam roller over the top of him which made him cry more and pissed his mum off. But we were pretty inseparable as kids from age one onwards. He was a slow developer and a bit uncoordinated so he never really excelled at surfing when we were groms. But good bloke. Good fighter. Sh*t on a wave but he had my back in a fight.
Growing up and getting into surfing, who were your biggest inspirations and why? Any local legends that were mentors to you?
Yeah Rabbit Bartholemew moved to Narmucca Bay for the summer of ‘81. Me and my mates used to wag school and follow him around town and peg stuff at him. It was all time. He was pretty influential in thinking I could get famous and paid to surf, so yeah that was a turning point.
Dad reckons they crossed swords at Narmucca Pub urinal once and he reckons some splashed on his foot. And Dad said he hasn’t washed his foot since, which checks out.
What was your first surfboard?
First surfboard was this Kentucky Fried Chicken foamie with Colonel Sanders on it that Mum got us. You had to get the family bucket to get one. Absolute brutal nipple rash from it.
Kareena reckons I’ve still got the flattest nipples from the years on that board. Kids tits were getting shaved off all over Australia in the ‘70s from those things.
Onto the Mucca Mad Boys — such an important part of your life. For those who don’t understand your role as protectors of the bay and rivals of the Fennel Heads Hell Men, can you explain to us, in your words, the rift between the groups and why it was such a big deal back in the day.
It was a big deal because Packo was a massive f*ckwit from day one. Basically we have better waves than them and when me and Hunter first got into surfing as groms, Packo, who’s two years older than us, used to come over the headland all the time and f*ckin drop in on us. He was hell aggressive and this absolute unit of a fourteen year old. So I paddled over to him one day and hocked a lurgi in his face and dropped in on him and yelled, “Rack off ya dick for brains.”
Then he tried to bash me on the beach after, but my mum bolted down and slapped him across the face. Then it was all on from there. He got his little gang together. Me and Hunter spray painted ‘Locals Only’ on pretty much everything. Got a massive bunch of Narmucca boys together and formed the early version of the Mucca Mad Boys. It was easier to get into the gang in the early days because we needed the numbers. I was less selective at first.
Then there was the ’82 riot where things got really gnarly. Me and Hunter and some of the main boys stood on the wall on the headland and pissed into Fennel Heads land. Packo saw us and then he and his gang ran over the headland and stormed our beach. Every f*ckin twelve year old in the whole region was bashing the sh*t out of each other on South Narmucca beach. Kids were getting absolutely slaughtered. It was a bloodbath.
I was giving out knuckle sandwiches to every little Fennel Heads kid that tried to jump me. Packo targeted me and gave me a full smack in the chops. So I kneed him in the nuts and he squealed like a pig. Hunter had all his clothes ripped off by Packo’s mates and was standing in his undies when the cops showed up. They broke it up and said we’re all banned from going to the Blue Light Disco. None of us wanted to go to that shit anyway.
Cops didn’t realise how big this thing was gonna get. And after the ’82 riots I knew I had to form the gang officially and we had to get f*ckin’ serious about protecting our waves.
As a surf gang, you had all sorts of traditions like signs, greetings, neck-shakes? Were there any Mucca Mad Boy traditions or initiations that the world hadn’t heard about yet (and would be safe to share the secret of, considering all the time that has passed)?
Yeah I gave away the main ones in the documentary. The salute and the neck greeting, etc. I’ve since had to invent a few other secret greetings. And obviously I’m gonna remain pretty tight lipped about those for obvious reasons.
Just thinking, there was some that never really got fully embraced by the gang. Back in the day me and Hunter invented ‘Fart brothers’ where you face bum to bum and go “Mucca Mucca Mucca Oi Oi (fart).” And then the fart gases would combine symbolising solidarity. And only initiated Mucca Mad Boys were allowed to do it. But it was so hard to get the fart timing right. And yeah never really took off.
But let’s get onto surfing! Over to you to fill in the decade-and-a-half blank. Have you been competing? Free surfing? Teaching the young ones how it’s done? Did you have any success on the Billabong Legends of Surf tour?
Yeah still teaching once a week. Fat Boys Surf School ended up blowing up massively. Heaps of little fat dudes come for miles for the Blakey lessons still. I ended up starting Fat Chick Surf School, but the wokies had a go at me so I had to call it Chix Surf Too with an x on Chix, which is kind of lame, but you’ve gotta move with the times. Plus it opens the door for skinny chicks too so it’s a win win.
As far as me surfing. To cut a long story short I f*cked my shoulder in Bali after a few bevvys with the boys. I was doing my Russian cossack dance and fell back onto a table and smashed my shoulder. Years of physio and the shoulder’s f*cked still so I’ve taken up SUPing. Which is pretty embarrassing but it gets me amongst it. The young blokes move out of my way to let the janitor through but I’m pretty courteous and try not to drop in too much. I’m lurking out the back with the Silver Sweepers these days but what are you gonna do?
Kareena tried to buy me an e-foil for my 50th. But thank god I found out before she rocked up with one. Can you imagine it? Wouldn’t be caught dead zooming around with the hover-kooks.
Speaking of young ones — Tyrone, your son, would be knocking on 15 years old now? Being on the other side of the fence as a parent now, we have questions. Closer to home: is Tyrone following in your pro surfing footsteps? Is he leading the next generation of Mucca Mad Boys?
I was hoping he’d go in that direction but he’s kind of more of a goth these days. He wears all black hoodies and shit. And Nike TNs. Kareena’s always calling him an Eshay.
His mates and him are always riding around on e-bikes. I had to drop five grand on this Fatboy thing for him. And he says to me the other day, “Dad would you be cool if I call my e-bike gang The Mucca Mad Boys?” I’ve never said “f*ck that” fast enough. Love the kid to death obviously but we’re not branching into kook-bikes anytime soon. It’s strictly surfing.
Yeah I tried hard to train him up in the early days. Like my old man did with me. I chucked him into the whitewash when he was three months and let him tumble in on his own accord like I used to. Kareena would shit herself whenever I did it. And he was killing it at Nippers as a young bloke. I got him into some kid surf comps and he was a little micro-shredder for a while there. Showed a lot of promise. But he turned about ten and started thinking I was a dickhead. But you get that. You just gotta let them off the leash and find their own way.
Very importantly, we have it on good authority that Tyrone’s girlfriend (Sharnie-Lee Packer?) is from Fennel Heads, and more so, from a prominent Fennel Heads Hell Men family. How do you feel about that?
First I’ve heard? You f*ckin’ serious? If that’s legit I’m going round there after this interview to confront her old man. Are you sh*tting me? No son of mine’s dating a Fennel Heads drop kick. I’m gonna give Tyronne a little smack for that. He should know better the little prick. Far out. I’m sure the chick’s lovely but if she’s from Fennel Heads that’s a hard no from me. Especially Packo’s kid. Jesus Christ.
You and Kareena are still strong as a couple? Any romance tips (like sausages for dinner) that have kept working for you and could be useful for the kids out there?
Yeah I still do ‘Soss for Dinner’. The old nude under the barbecue apron, then you whip it off in front of ya missus to reveal the man-snag, and say “Sausages for dinner.” Kareena’s a red blooded woman and she loves romance like any chick.
One thing I’ve noticed she’s not really into is bum crack. I always assumed chicks were into it. So I’d send Kareena heaps of bum crack selfies and would purposely do plumber’s crack around the house whenever I crouched down in front of her. Turns out she hates it and has banned me from doing it, so you learn something new every day don’t ya?
We’d seen you deal with the jokes and come out the other side with your decision to get artificial testicles. We understand prosthetics come with potential long-term issues, like phantom pain, for example? Any issues there? Or is it just part of life and getting on with it. Do you still take testosterone injections?
Yeah I had to get the fakies. You need the trifecta, Ball-Shaft-Ball. You can’t have the sausage without the chat potatoes I always say.
But yeah in hindsight I reckon I might have gone a size too heavy if I’m honest. There’s considerable sagging these days. I gotta watch out when I’m freeballing and do a public squat. My nutsacks had a few bitumen grazes recently and its not ideal.
Yeah still on the testosterone jabs. It’s a pain in the arse but without it my voice goes really high and I grow bosoms.
Back to more cheerful thoughts — tell us some more about the dolphin attack (which is crazy rare?) It was an agro, old senile dolphin, we believe? Any other tales of the bay that you’ve never been game to share before?
Yeah the dolphin who attacked me was never found. Not that I wanted it put down, but I didn’t want it biting any kids or tourists. I was pushing for a ‘Beware Of Dolphins’ sign on the beach but the council wouldn’t do it. Heaps of people don’t believe me but mate I’m telling you, you never forget a dolphin bite. It kills.
Oh yeah one time, also I had no witnesses to this, but trust me it happened. I was running in for a surf and out of the corner of my eye I see this orange starfish. Big bastard with like 30cm long arms. Thought nothing of it. Just about to run in for a surf right, and I see the starfish pricks arm come up, and he intentionally trips me over. I stack it big time and fall on top of my board like an idiot. Full face plant. But I’m telling you, I got intentionally tripped up by a massive starfish. And I’ve hated starfish ever since.
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